"What are you thinking about? You always hated when I asked that question. "It’s a tricky question," you used to say. That it’s an illusion to pretend that we can bridge the gap between your thoughts and mine. For you, every person is like a planet and two different planets can never become one. Two people together will always be: one plus one."
"For us there is no sin so great as despair, and perhaps no virtue so vital as courage."
Radclyffe Hall, The Well of Loneliness*, p. 352. (Dialogue—the words of Adolphe Blanc)
what scares me is how much I enjoy being alone
I am so far from the person I was a year ago
I need to be just this for a while.
there is fixation on what a problem is and then there is the real problem. I fixate. It is what keeps me from making progress in my life. I am old enough to have recognized the problem and now I am able to sooner or later recognize my fixations, see through them and get to the truth of my problems. I have been really lost for a while now. I haven’t felt very clear headed. I feel clearer today. I know what I need to do. I am going to do it. I am going to find my breath to death. I am happy because in time I’ll know how to be happy.
/vulnerability as a weakness v. a strength
/self love and loathing
sometimes really good people’s mannerisms remind me of mannerisms of really bad people that i have known and it makes me sad and scared of the really good people
I wanted nothing but for this to be the end
For this to never be a tied and empty hand
If all the trouble in my heart would only end
I lost my dream I lost my reason all again